Swine flu suggestions

oh Swine flu, Schmine flu.. give me some bacon!

oh sure, not only do I feel like crud, I've been ostracized from my nephew's Bar Mitzvah!

thinks this Swine Flu is nothing compared to that case of Rapscallion Measles he had last year.

thinks Fever.. check, chills, check.... finds self hovering over a Pink Floyd concert? uh oh..

wonders why they call it H1N1, when, "The Flu Formerly Known as Pig" is much catchier.

More suggestions

wishes it was Monday, and rainy.

needs more cowbell.

thinks, first Ahmadinejad got my paint matching way off, Hitler got my lumber order wrong, and Pol Pot way overcharged me. That is the LAST time I go to Home Despot


thinks one of the least effective ways to calm a baby is to say "Oh shut your cry hole"


always heard if you are attacked by a bear, you should play dead. That way in a little while when you actually are dead, you'll pretty much already know what to do.


has 30% less dander than yesterday.


always heard, you get what you pay for, unless it is life insurance. Then someone else gets what you paid for.


knows the capital of Djbouti.. do you?


would just like to run away sometimes, and start a habadashary on a quiet San Salvadorian street corner.


made you look! HA HA ..sucker!!

decided if I ever needed duck feathers, I'd call the homosexual chapter of MENSA and the local convent.. because brainy gays and nuns they always get me down.

Friday additions

wonders, in high school during the Renaissance
,did bullies pick on the freshmen whose cravats
weren't frilly enough?

knows there is a thin line between playing
extreme sports and just playing regular
sports very badly 

Isn't quite sure his codpiece is aligned correctly.

Wishes Facebok had a spel czech.

is making cupcakes the Fentress County
 Anarchists meeting Its election & charades night!

decided he's more hyped up about the 13 dollar tax
cut now that he's thinking in Dog Dollars! $91 big ones!

a few more off the top of my head

is wearing white after Labor Day

is a lumbering oaf with a sackful of kittens

had that Florence Henderson dream again last night

is living on a prayer

wants to sing Kumbayah with the moderate Taliban

is an aggrivated chimpanzee with a handful of poo, don't mess with me

is NOT going to listen to the voices today, I'm just not that limber any more

is rearranging the deck chairs

has a date in Constantinople

is dreaming of leg warmers and Olivia Newton John

is laboring in his leisure suit

's chain mail is chafing, I need to cut back on the mutton

is Mr. Smarty Pants

is looking for the basement in the Alamo

is Zamfir, master of the pan flute

likes moonpies, moonpies are good to me

doesn't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows

is continually amazed at the staggering genius of Bob Mader

is remembering band camp

was looking for girl, but ran into a guy, His name is MCA, I said "howdy" he said, "Hi"

is a terrifying terrorist

is Inigo Montoya, you keeled my fodder, prepare to diet

is mucilaginous

имеет изверга в его кальсонах

Heghlu' Meh QaQ Jajvam!

's social security number is 457-55-5462

is filling the bathtub with holy water... don't ask.

thinks his wife is the most awesomest babe in the freakin universe! Word!

is turning his head, and coughing.

First suggestions

is so happy the rash is gone


is done with his taxes, does that disqualify me for a Cabinet position?


is watching Richard Simmons reruns wearing nothing more that a sailor's cap and a fishnet tank top.


is driving in the rain, on a foggy mountain road...and texting

had a really vivid dream about Abe Vigoda.. all I can say is..WOW! I never knew....

suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be.. I went and got a vasectomy...

wants the pastor to know he plans to start taking Bean-No before each service from now on.

J'ai un serpent dans mon pantalon